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TheLeary
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Name: Clay
Country: United States
State: North Carolina
Metro: Greenville
Birthday: 6/27/1989
Gender: Male
Interests: Running, Rotc, The Beach, High jump..lol im the best..just ask lara, Polos, El Tapatios, Sawyers..YUM, Food period........YUM lol, Music all kinds and so much more i can't name them all. OOOHHH and i am SO interested in Casey...this will make her feel special
Expertise: EVERYTHING!!!
Message: message me
AIM:  learyjrsc
Yahoo:  sclearyjr
Member Since:
3/30/2005
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| No one song can describe it.
There's so much going on. It's more than just this. It's the rest of my life. What am I going to do? Will I be happy? It all.....it's conflict like I've never experienced. I don't know what to do, which is why I feel like I should just leave it all. There's no doubt I love you. I don't know. I've held back a long time, for some reason. I can't put my finger on it. I never have been able to. It's for some reason though. You're suppose to be in my life, where exactly is rather obscure. I don't know if I can function without you. Live without you. I feel like if I can't choose, then I don't deserve either of you. It's bittersweet when I'm with either of you. It's perfect, but I constantly think about how the way I'm feeling hurts the other. I realize I can't have my cake and eat it too. I don't know if I can ever choose though. It's not fair to you two, maybe I should just let go of both of you. There has never been any malice in my intentions, and I pray every night that the answer will just appear. Unfortunately, it has yet to do so, and I realize the time to decide is getting near. I realize I'm not the victim in this situation, but it's not easy for me either. It's almost like, If I choose one, then I kill the other. So why not choose neither, so that I'm hurting worse than the two of you. I know it sounds twisted, but it would make me feel better to know that my decisions ended up hurting me worse than either of you. I feel like when you read this you will become distant...remote. I don't expect more time, I feel like I should of had enough time, but I'll never say bye. No I won't talk to you anymore, if that's what's best for you. But I know you're always there for me, as I am for you. It's an never before thing, what you and I have. I feel like at times, it's so perfect that a romance would taint it, confuse and take away from the raw beauty of what it is. It's so hard for me to try and figure out. I always think of my life like a book. But the ending I can never decide on. Sometimes I picture you and I together, in rocking chairs on the porch, tea in hand, rocking. Just listening to the wind over the creek. Hardly saying a word. Just giving each other a casual, yet blissful glance. Content with just being on the same porch, together. Sometimes I see myself with her. Sometimes I see me, just by myself. An old man with his little house. Us not talking, but thinking of each other every day, every minute. And like something off a movie, once a year, we meet. Kind of like we do know. We have some amazing adventure together. Completely in the moment. Then we part ways, as we always do. We live the next year cherishing and clinging on to what we had, hardly communicating but always thinking of each other, until it comes time again, and it takes off exactly where it was left, as it always does. Something so deep, no one else can really grasp or comprehend. I know this probably sounds odd, and you may think I'm crazy. You do need to know that it's nothing you've done that makes me feel this way, or not be able to choose. It's not that you aren't blonde, or blue-eyed, or that you're mixed. It's none of that. You know I think you're beautiful. For some reason you never want to accept it, but it's true. Aside from that, what we have is so much deeper than any of that.
So now you ask why I can't let go of her. It's not just physical. There's something about her. I can't really explain it either. I know you don't want to hear this, but it's what I'm feeling. I've got to be honest with you. It's not like what you and I have. I don't know what to completely make of either of them. Don't think I'm holding on for superficial reasons though. I'm not. Please don't blame yourself, or think there's something you could have done different, or you could have done more. It's not you. It really isn't. It's me. I don't know what to do. I'm at my breaking point. Not just with this situation. With everything. It's not you though. Here,
You mustn't think you've failed me
Just because there's someone else
You were the first real love I ever had
And all the things I ever said
I swear they still are true
For no one else can have the part of me I gave to you
I promise it will always be that way. It's odd. You've given me an ultimatum, which I respect. I'm not as scared as I was at first, only because if we ever have to part ways, I will never, ever, question you and I. Or the fact that you're there for me. No, it won't be in a BFFFOEVASUNSHYNETWINSSKYPEEVERHOUROFTHEDAYINSEPERABLE kind of way it has been. But it's there. Yes, it's time I pull out Dolly. : )
If I should stay
Well I would only be in your way
And so I'll go, but I know
That I'll think of you each step of my way
And I will always love you
I will always love you
Bittersweet memories
That's all I have and all I'm taking with me
Good-bye, oh please don't cry
Cause we both know that I'm not what you need
But I will always love you
I will always love you
And I hope life will treat you kind
And I hope that you have all
That you ever dreamed of
Oh I do wish you joy and I wish you happiness
But above all of this, I wish you love
I love you, I will always love you
I, I will always, always love you
I will always love you
I will always love you
I will always love you
I knew you would appreciate that. It may sound corny also, but if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Timeless, those lyrics are. I know this sounds psychotic probably. But if we were to never talk again, ever. I would die happy. I know that I've experienced something hardly anyone, if anyone at all, gets to, and (I know I'm getting repetitive, but I want to establish this point very clearly) we have each other. Always. I haven't cried this much in a long time. Please don't take this lightly. Not that I want you to get upset, that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that I've thought it over and over. I'm not just pushing you to the side. I've racked my mind infinite times. It's odd for me not to know what to do. I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say. Don't think this is just some reply to try to rid you away. I don't know if there is anything else I can tell you.
I'll paste a buffet of lyrics that nip the iceberg on what I'm feeling. We always enjoy interpreting the others, and this is more practical and efficient that dragging them out on away messages. : ) They will probably seem incredibly contradicting, but (in my crazy rationale) they somehow make sense. Some way, some how. They're for various things, so don't read into them too much.
The noise of the world is getting me caught up
Chasing the clock and i wish i could stop it
Just need to breathe
Somebody please
Slow me down
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And when I think of her and then I think of you
The love is not the same but either love is true
Why do I have to choose to see everybody lose
To walk around and sing the blues well darling I refuse
The Heart May Freeze Or It Can Burn
The Pain Will Ease If I Can Learn
There Is No Future
There Is No Past
I Live This Moment
As My Last
Leave unsaid unspoken,
Eyes wide shut unopened.
You and me,
Always be.
You and me,
Always between the lines.
How can you stay outside?
There's a beautiful mess inside
How can you stay outside?
There's a beautiful mess inside
I will not be made useless
I won't be idled with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
for light does the darkness most fear
: ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : )
I walk along the city streets you used to walk along with me,
and every step I take reminds me of just how we used to be.
Well, how can I forget you, girl?
When there is always something there to remind me.
always something there to remind me.
: ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : )
Without you, the ground thaws, the rain falls, the grass grows.
Without you, the seeds root, the flowers bloom, the children play.
The stars gleam, the poets dream, the eagles fly, without you.
The earth turns, the sun burns, but I die, without you.
"All you need is love" is a lie 'cause
We had a love but we still said goodbye
Now we’re tired, battered fighters
You've been so kind and generous, I don't know how you keep on giving
For your kindness I'm in debt to you
For your selflessness, my admiration
For everything you've done, you know I'm bound, I'm bound to
thank you for it....
'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
Trying to find some money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah
We ask that life be kind
And watch us from above
We hope each soul will find
Another soul to love
Islands in the stream
That is what we are
No one in-between
How can we be wrong
Sail away with me to another world
And we rely on each other
Hello God, are you out there?
Can you hear us, are you listenin' any more?
Hello God, if we're still on speakin' terms
Can you help us like before?
Oh, the free will you have given
We have made a mockery of
This is no way to be livin',
We're in great need of your love
Hello God
And we are so fragile,
And our cracking bones make noise,
And we are just,
Breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys.
When the sun shines
We’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath
I'mma stick it out 'till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella
Wondering the streets, in a world underneath it all
Nothing seems to be, nothing tastes as sweet
As what I can't have
Like you and the way that you're twisting your hair
round your finger
Tonight I'm not afraid to tell you
What I feel about you.
See I'm a young soul in this very strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit bout what is true and fake
But why all this hate? try to communicate
Finding trust and love is not always easy to make
This time I think i'm to blame
It's harder to get through the days
We get older and blame turns to shame
'Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die.
Everything changes, but beauty remains.
Something so tender I cant explain.
Well I may be dreaming but til I awake..Can we make the dream last forever?
And I'll cherish all the love we share for a moment like this
All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone’s looking round
Thinking I’m going crazy
Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.
So why does your pride make you run and hide
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it’s a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be
What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time
A nameless face to think I see
To sit and watch the waves with me till they're gone
A heart I'd swear I'd recognize is made out of
My own devices....
Could I be wrong?
It is so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness kills us both
And I can't lie
But every time I leave
My heart turns grey
And I wanna come back home
To see your face tonight
'Cause I just can't take it
Time to say goodbye,
To countries I never
Saw and shared with you,
Now, yes, I shall experience them
Tomorrow comes to take me away
I wish that I, that I could stay
Girl you know I've got to go, oh
Lord I wish it wasn't so
Goodbye Love
Goodbye Love
Came To Say Goodbye, Love, Goodbye
Just Came To Say
Goodbye Love
Head underwater
And they tell me
To breathe easy for a while
Breathing gets harder, even I know that
Made room for me; but it's too soon to see
If I'm happy in your hands
I'm unusually hard to hold on to
When minutes turn to days and years
If mountains fall, I'll still be here
Holdin you until the day I die
And I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows you away
Who else am I gonna lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better
Oh baby baby
We belong together
I want to know how you feel about all of this. Just let me know. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want, but if it's time to say goodbye, I'd like to say it. At least I won't anticipate anything, you know. Actually, it's not goodbye, because we aren't leaving, just taking a break. Indefinitely possibly, but still just a break. So, if it's time to say talk to you later. Let me know.
You're my best friend in every sense of the phrase. A reason that whenever I start to question or doubt God, I quickly stop. I love you, and always will. Thanks for saving me.
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| HEYYYYY
It's Clay and B-Woo, coming at you. It's definately early in the morning...we are a little bit tired. Brigette has some run over baby thing in her hands. The party went well, minus the draaaaaaaaaaaama. But all in all i think everyone had a good time. I think a lot of boys got to meet Mr. Chubby...HA..."The ole lady don't want drinking in the barn...take it OUTSIDE" Our food was effin awesome...No one really ate it, except for the pigs in the blankets...Next time there WILL BE MANDITORY EATING HOUR...and...MANDITORY COMPLIMENTS AFTERWARDS... : )
Ben Hopkins PASSED OUT. HA....
The Pigs in the Blankets and Brigette... : )
The Hosts...and the Pigs in the Blankets
The Little Pig in the Blanket that could....
The Girls...on the coffee table
Chase and Crickle
I really can't even comment on this one...
Meow....
I know they're cousins...but thats a little bit too close don't you think?
GET IT B-WOOOOOOO
Samantha...in between two boys...never would have guessed.
Jump on it Suzy-Q!!!
And the hosts call it a night.
I love Brigette Woolard!!! | | |
| Weekend
It was fun
but dramatic
Suzanne Lee is my hero
i love her
end
of
story
DO THE WEEDEATER!!! | | |
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